阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。
Robert and Henry were two friends in the same class. They always played together and went home together. One day,Robert and Henry were going home from school, when, on turning a corner, Robert cried out, “A fight! Let’s go and see!”
“No,” said Henry. “Let us go quietly home and not meddle with(插手)this quarrel. We have nothing to do with it and may get into trouble. Also our parents are expecting to have dinner with us together at home and I don’t want them to worry about me.”
“You are a coward, and afraid to go,” said Robert,and off ha ran. Henry want straight home, and in the afternoon went to school as usual.But Robert had told all the boys that Henry was a coward, and they laughed at him a great deal. From then on, they looked down upon Henry and didn’t want to play with him together.
Henry was sad but he wasn’t angry with Robert for his rude behavior, because he learned that true courage is shown most in bearing misunderstanding when it was not deserved, and
that he ought to be afraid of nothing but doing wrong. Thus, he just ignored the other boys’ laughter and continued to go to school and study as well. However, Robert didn’t invite Henry to go home with him anymore. Instead, he had some other boys who also thought Henry was a coward. Every day after school,they didn’t go home directly but went to the river or somewhere to play games and had a lot of fun.
A few days later, Robert was bathing with his new friends in a river, and got out of his depth. He struggled, and screamed for help, but all in vain. The boys who had called Henry a coward got out of the water as fast as they could, but they did not even try to help him.Para1:  Robert was fast sinking.Para2: Thus,Robert's life was saved.描写人物的英语作文
Paragraph 1情节走向:
Robert was fast sinking.
(这篇文章由于涉及到Henry拯救Robert,所以两个人物之间理所应当有很多的互动。在本段中,为避免上述名字重复,对剧情进行了分角视角处理。
也就是说,第一部分衔接首段提示语Robert正在快速下沉。先聚焦Robert的状态,然后以及Robert被救时的感受。第二部分,转换视角,从Henry视角出发,聚焦他如何听到呼救,以及救援的序曲。第三部分,再次转换视角,聚焦两人上岸后的救援过程。
Para1逐句分析
通过交叉视角处理,可以聚焦救援过程的不同阶段,既避免过度重复人称代词,又能制造阅读悬念,让读者有一种“移步换景”之感,是一种值得和大家推荐的写作手法。)
His legs were getting heavier. And due to the lack of oxygen, his consciousness was fading.
在提示语 Robert正在快速下沉后,我首先聚焦Robert的状态。随着挣扎,他的腿越发沉重。且由于在水下,所以缺氧会进一步导致意识消散,因果合理呼应。
通过这样的情节设计,先凸显情况危急,铺垫救援的必要和重要,属于“欲扬先抑”的写法之一。在遵循原文逻辑的情况下,主动制造情节波澜。
语言上,Robert的状态不直接说。而是让读者自己发现,可以增加阅读乐趣。)
As the ripples began disappearing, a boy in green jumped in the river, surrounded Robert’s body from the back and began towing him to shore.
(此段延续Robert的视角。
Robert的体力不支通过环境描写展现,“水面涟漪逐渐消失。”紧接着,在Robert意识涣散之际,他依稀感到有人跳入水中,因为不清醒,所以无法辨别是谁,只能看到衣服的颜,这也符合当时Robert的状态。同时,这句话也设置了悬念,读者会想,“这个绿衣男孩是谁呢?”
本句话从语言上动静结合。首先是水面为静,但救人的三个动作连贯性强,瞬间让时间流速加快。且jumpsurroundtow用词准确。如surround这个动作符合救援标准,tow则体现出过程之艰难。)
It was Henry who came to the rescue.
(揭晓谜底。句型结构上长短结合,增强韵律感。语言上come to the rescue也是恰如其分。叙事视角随之转向Henry。)
On his way home, he heard screaming from the river side, dashed over and took a leap of faith.
(这部分叙事从Henry出发。描写了在跳入水中之前的经过。回家途中情景铺垫,符合人物特点,他先听到河边尖叫,然后猛冲过来,纵身一跃。至此,RobertHenry双视角补全了整个救援流程,前后呼应,但动作上没有重复。
这段最爱的时 took a leap of faith 一句。原因如下:从Robert视角出发,他只看到有人跳入水中,但从Henry视角,这个选择却不那么容易。第一,水中已经有人遇险,可见水中危险。第二,那个人情况很危急,已经快要溺亡,那么自己能否顺利将其救出,还是自己也会遭遇不测?
所以Robert视角一个jump足以,但Henry这里却需要体现出他那种“明知山有虎,偏向虎山行”的勇毅果敢。因而,此处a leap of faith信仰一跃,就很恰当了。)
After both of them reached shore, Henry rolled Robert on his side and hit his back with a cupped hand repeatedly. After several attempts, thankfully, Robert coughed out some water, opened his eyes, and focused on Henry.
还需要进一步救援过程。
前文提到towing him back to shore, 那么此处就reached shore,此部分续写逻辑和前文紧密衔接。接着,我的叙事视角在两人之间切换,Henry用具体、连贯的动作帮助Robert咳出水,紧接着Robert睁开眼,聚焦在Henry
睁开眼,聚焦这个动作,体现出Robert已经恢复意识,和这段开头his consciousness was fading前后呼应。第一段结束。)
Paragraph 2情节走向;
ThusRobert's life was saved.
(第二段续写有几个关键点。
第一,Robert已经醒了,那么必然会有两人之间的语言互动。如何互动?
第二,最后如何结尾?
根据原文提示,Robert性格较为急躁,且曾带头说Henry坏话,鼓励他;Henry则更为沉稳,既便被污蔑也不曾动容,依然坚持为人准则。所以两人互动首先要体现出Robert的歉意,但续写部分也要呼应原文对两人性格特点的设定。
Para2逐句分析
最让人印象深刻的结尾通常会有两个特点:1. 剧烈的反差对比; 2. 难忘的画面。在本次续写中,采用了后者,下面我会分析设计的原因。)
Noticing this, Henry breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed on the ground in exhaustion.
(一个小男孩,拖着另一个已经脱力的小男孩从河中到岸上,并进行进一步施救,必然已经筋疲力劲。但他并没有立刻倒下,而是在注意到Robert脱险后,方方下心来breathed in relief and collapsed,更符合逻辑)
For a moment, there was only the sound of the river flowing and Henry’s heavy breathing.
(接下来的互动如何展开?与其让Robert直接开始道歉,我先设计了一段沉默。